moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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