Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
