obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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