i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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