mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
