You're so nebulous sometimes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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