bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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