I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just google imaged poop.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
