C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
