Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
