Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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