I wish I could punch you in the face.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
