that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
