It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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