K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
