even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
