whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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