this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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