I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
