You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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