So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
