is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
