Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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