He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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