I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
