i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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