You're so nebulous sometimes
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
