Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
