I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
