the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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