Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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