am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
