can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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