I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
