He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
