what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
