Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Randomize
