There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
