I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
