So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
