The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
