Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
