I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
