I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
