ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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