i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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