you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
