I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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