I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
