pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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